Why I’m So Exhausted Before (and After) Socializing

By Michelle Labine, PhD

July 2025

People are often surprised when I say I need a full day and sometimes more to recover after a social event.

“But you were in your element.”
“You lit up the room.”
“You seemed so comfortable.”

And it’s true. When I’m there, I connect easily. I read the room, invite people in, ask thoughtful questions, and help conversations flow. From the outside, it can look effortless.

What most people don’t see is everything that happens before and after.
Before I even arrive, there is preparation: imagining the space, the people, the energy it will take. During the event, there is constant regulation managing noise, sensory input, conversation cues, and the subtle social choreography of staying connected while monitoring my own internal state.

And afterward comes the recovery.

Even when I’ve genuinely enjoyed the experience, my nervous system needs time to settle again. Quiet, low stimulation, and space help me come back to myself.

Learning I am Autistic helped me understand this rhythm. Social connection is something I value deeply, and it also requires a great deal of invisible effort.
These days, I no longer judge my need for recovery. I see it as part of how my nervous system works. It’s possible to show up fully, connect deeply, and still need time to retreat and recharge afterward. Both are true. And both are valid.